I'm already broken

People say that in between the age of 17-22, you’ll meet a lot of temporary people. They come for a reason. Either to change you or give you a lesson. Well, in my case, they gave me both. Sakit? Yeah, it fucking hurts. People that I love, they keep leaving me. They never stay. I asked for them to stay, but they don’t. They left me without trying to stay. Entahlah, sometimes I feel so stupid. Aku rasa penat. Merayu supaya jangan pergi. Merayu supaya tidak ditinggalkan. Aku rasa bodoh sangat. They don’t even care. I put my trust on them. One day, they made me feel like a princess. The other day, they made feel like sampah. It’s fucking sad to watch people slowly becoming into the person they told you they’d never be. Maybe for them, it’s just a game. I risk my heart for them and they don’t even care. Hati aku pecah? Hati aku remuk? Diorang kisah apa? Di saat diorang pergi, seorang demi seorang, saat itu juga lah hati aku retak sedikit demi sedikit. Lama-kelamaan, hati yang tidak pernah aku jaga ini, pecah. Serpihan itu hilang satu-persatu. Salah aku juga, selama ini sibuk jaga hati orang lain, hati sendiri tidak pernah ambil tahu. Hati aku sakit. Sakit sangat.

On the other side, I have to thank them all. I just realized that they don’t deserve me. Sebab diorang, sekarang aku tak lagi sakit. Few person came into my life once again. They want to break me, but little did they know, I’m already broken. Aku tak lagi sakit. Hati aku dah lama pecah. Diorang mahu pecahkan apa lagi? Air mata pun sudah tidak boleh keluar. Mungkin kerana aku sudah banyak kali disakiti. Aku jadi lali. Dulu, perkataan yang paling aku geruni, adalah perpisahan. Sekarang, perpisahan sudah sebati dalam hidup aku. I no longer ask them to stay. If they want to leave, they can. I don’t care like I used to. I always get ready for another break up. I don’t know why. But I just don’t believe people anymore. People don’t stay and feeling fades. Well, that’s life, dear. Like it or not, you have to deal with it. Forever is such a stupid word. Nobody would love you forever. Suck it up!

For those who still cannot move on, just believe in urself. You’ll get through this. I promise. It takes time and courage but trust me, suatu hari nanti kau akan pusing balik belakang dan gelakkan diri kau sebab menangis untuk orang yang sia-sia. Kau akan rasa menyesal sebab banyak sangat buang masa untuk orang yang salah. Sooner or later, you’ll get through this. Don’t worry, it just a matter of time.